Preparing Your Kids for the Real World (Part 02) - Child Discipline (Part B)Submitted by Pastor Chad Wagner on Sunday, December 10, 2017.
Watch the video of this sermon on YouTube: Preparing Your Kids For The Real World (Part 02) - Child Discipline (Part B) For the outline and the rest of the sermons in this series, click here: Preparing Your Kids For The Real World To listen to or watch the previous sermon in the series, click here: (Part 1) To listen to or watch the next sermon in the series, click here: (Part 3) 2. What types of behavior merit discipline? A. Rebellion must be met with the rod. i. Rebellion - 2. Open or determined defiance of, or resistance to, any authority or controlling power. ii. Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and must be punished sternly (1Sa 15:23). B. Disobedience to parents, grandparents, teachers, adults, etc. i. Children must obey their parents (Eph 6:1; Col 3:20). ii. Disobedience must be punished. iii. You don't need to say something more than once to your kids. a. If disobedience is not met with the rod at the first offence, it definitely should be at the second. b. You should never have to repeat yourself more than once (and even that is too much). c. A certain look from an effective parent is all it should take to make a child obey. iv. Train them that they must obey the first time you tell them to do something. a. When they don't obey when they are told to do something, spank them with the rod. b. They will quickly learn that you mean what you say and you will not have to repeat yourself. c. Not making them obey the first time teaches them that: (i) You don't mean what you say. (ii) You don't keep your word. (iii) You are weak and pathetic. (iv) They are in control. (v) Obedience is optional. (vi) They don't have to obey God's commandments when they don't feel like it. d. Telling them a second time in a raised voice teaches your children that they only have to obey when you raise your voice. (i) This makes you look like an idiot in public. (ii) This teaches your children that the only effective way to cause someone to do something is by yelling at them. e. Your children will figure out at what point they must obey or else a spanking is coming. (i) If they learn from a very young age that the spanking comes after the first command, they will quickly learn to obey the first command. (ii) If they learn that the spanking comes after the second command, they will only obey the second command. (iii) If they learn that the spanking comes after the second command is screamed, then they will only obey when you scream at them. (iv) If they learn that the spanking comes after you scream repeatedly and get red in the face, they will only obey when they are screamed at repeatedly by a red-faced, insane, foolish parent. (v) Most children will obey when they are certain a spanking is coming immediately following the disobedience of a command. (vi) So just establish a rule that they get spanked immediately when they do not obey and stick to it consistently for a week or so, and you will have obedient children and a peaceful home. f. The purpose of discipline is to make your children into godly adults. g. When they become teenagers and adults, their boss will not tolerate having to tell them to do something more than once. h. Allowing them to disobey your commandment the first time it is given could be deadly for them. For example: (i) "Don't cross the street without an adult." (ii) "Don't walk on the ice on the river." (iii) "Don't play with a gun." (iv) "Don't get into a car with a stranger." i. Don't fall into the "counting" folly when your child doesn't obey your order: "Johnny, come here.....one....two....three". j. All that does is teach him that he can disobey you for at least 2.5 seconds before you react (or start counting over again like too many pitiful parents). v. Allowing disobedience in children who are church members is facilitating them being excluded from the church (Rom 1:30). C. Backtalk or disrespect. i. Backtalk should never be tolerated. a. Arguing with a command is rebellion and should be met with the rod. b. If you allow your daughter to backtalk you, she will do it to her husband. c. Do her and her future husband a favor and teach her to be submissive and respectful. d. If you allow your son to backtalk you, he will do it to his boss. e. Do him a favor and teach him to be submissive and respectful so that he doesn't get fired someday. ii. Eye rolling should never be tolerated. iii. Sighing should never be tolerated. iv. Door slamming should never be tolerated. D. Lying. i. You must come down very hard on lying and deceit whenever you find it in a child. ii. This is one thing that if not nipped in the bud can be very hard to root out when they are older. E. Stealing. F. Laziness (Pro 10:5 c/w Pro 29:15). G. Hanging out with friends who are fools (Pro 28:7; Pro 13:20). H. Sin in general. 3. When should children begin to be disciplined (at what age)? A. The rod should be applied, when needed, early in life (Pro 13:24). i. Betimes - 1. At an early time, period, or season; early in the year; early in life. ii. Chasten - 1. trans. To inflict disciplinary or corrective punishment on; to visit with affliction for the purpose of moral improvement; to correct, discipline, chastise. iii. A parent loves his child who chastens him early in life (Pro 13:24). iv. A parent hates his child who will not chasten him (Pro 13:24). a. To not discipline a child with the rod when he needs it is to suffer sin upon him which is an act of hatred (Lev 19:17). b. Parents who say that they love their children too much to punish them with the rod love themselves, not their children. c. It would be a legitimate question to ask a parent why he hates his child when his not spanking him when he needs it. v. God sets for us the pattern of chastening children (Heb 12:5-8). vi. Good fathers will follow God's lead (Heb 12:9-11). B. You only have a short period of time while there is hope (Pro 19:18). C. Once a person gets to be a full grown fool, it's too late (Pro 27:22) i. Bray - v. 1. trans. To beat small; to bruise, pound, crush to powder; usually in a mortar. ii. One hundred stripes to such a fellow won't do what a few good ones would to a young child (Pro 17:10). D. At what age is early in life (betimes)? i. As soon as a child starts trying to exert his will over his parents' will is when chastening must begin. ii. This can be as young as six to nine months old. iii. This will happen long before the child is old enough to speak his opposition to your rules. iv. Take care of major flaws in your children while they are young, and the problem is little, by whatever hurts the kid the most (usually spanking, but sometimes other things are more poignant, especially if they are mixed in with the rod.) v. Don't wait until your kids are older and then kick yourself for certain things you allowed/missed that are now bigger problems because the kid is bigger. E. When should a child be chastened in relationship to the time of the offence? i. Parents should correct their children as quickly as possible after the need for correction arises. ii. In other words, when a child has done something improper, the correction should be given quickly. iii. This helps the child to associate the improper behavior with the pain of the correction, resulting eventually in the corrected behavior. iv. Putting off disciplining the child until you are at your wits' end could result in your losing your temper and hurting the child. v. Never discipline your children when you are so angry that you are not in control of yourself. Calm down, and then punish them. vi. If you are in a public place where it would not be wise to discipline your child, then tell them that they will get it when you get home and make sure you follow through with it no matter how good the rest of the day goes. 4. How should children be disciplined? A. The primary method of correction should be beating with a rod (Pro 13:24; Pro 22:15; Pro 23:13-14; Pro 29:15). i. Don't be scared of the word beat; it means little different than spanking. a. Beat - v. 1. a. trans. To strike with repeated blows. b. Strike - v. V. To deal a blow, to smite with the hand (occas. another limb), a weapon or tool. 25. trans. To deal (a person, an animal) a blow; to hit with some force either with the hand or with a weapon. c. Spank - v. 1. a. trans. To slap or smack (a person, esp. a child) with the open hand. d. Slap - v. 1. a. trans. To strike or smack (a person or thing) smartly, esp. with the open hand or with something having a flat surface; to hit (one) on, upon, or over (a certain part) in this way. e. Smack - v. 5. a. To strike (a person, part of the body, etc.) with the open hand or with something having a flat surface; to slap. Also spec. to chastise (a child) in this manner and fig. ii. A rod should be the primary instrument of punishment (Pro 22:15, Pro 23:13-14 et al). a. Rod - 1. a. A straight, slender shoot or wand, growing upon or cut from a tree, bush, etc. b. Wand - 1. a. A straight slender stick. Now Sc. and dial. In Scottish use, chiefly a slender pliant stick cut from a stem or branch of a shrub or young tree. iii. When a child gets a beating, it should consist of more than one strike with the rod (see definition). a. A beating should be painful. b. A slap with a hand on a diaper is worthless. c. A beating should cause tears (Pro 19:18). (i) Crying - 1. The action of the verb cry in its various senses; shouting, lamentation, weeping, etc. (ii) Don't be fooled by fake tears and crying. (iii) Don't stop as soon as a child lets out a cry (Pro 19:18). (iv) If you do, the child will quickly learn that all they have to do is start wailing after the first strike and it ends. (v) If the punishment is not sufficiently painful, it will not stop the bad behavior. d. Determine beforehand how many strikes the infraction merits and don't stop until you have given that many, regardless of yelling or crying from the child (Pro 19:18). e. Correction should be grievous (Pro 15:10; Heb 12:11). f. The rod may leave bruises which are a sign that the foolishness has been driven out (Pro 20:30). g. Though it should be painful, a beating should not be excessive, cause injury, or cause long lasting pain to the child. iv. A beating with a rod will not kill the child (Pro 23:13). a. Rather, it will save him from more severe punishment later in life (Pro 23:14). b. This is beating the hell out of children. v. Once the punishment has been given, then you should affirm your love to them. a. This should be done so that they understand that you punished them because you love them. b. This will also show them a picture of God's punishment of sin and subsequent forgiveness and forgetfulness of it. B. Other methods of disciplining children. i. Some punishments are more effective than others with different children. ii. With older kids, taking things or privileges away from them might work. a. Making older children pay a fine to you from their savings every time they disobey or delay obedience can be very effective. b. Start off by charging them $1 every time they disobey. If that doesn't work, increase the amount. c. This will only be effective if you make them work for their money and only buy them basic necessities and make them buy themselves the things they want (more on this later). iii. Tailoring punishments with crimes such as washing out a mouth with soap for lying or flicking the mouth for talking back are options. iv. The primary method though should be the rod as the Bible prescribes. v. If you start when they are very young and are consistent, you shouldn't have to worry about coming up with creative ideas for punishment when they are teenagers because they should be well-behaved and well-mannered young adults by that point. C. The importance of consistency. i. You must be consistent when it comes to punishments for offenses. ii. Do not punish a child today for something you allowed yesterday or pass over an offense today for which you punished him yesterday. iii. Punish them the first time, and every time, they disobey or behave badly. iv. Mean what you say and keep your word. a. Don't say, "If you do that again, you're not going to Grandma's tomorrow" if you don't mean it. b. If make a threat, you must follow through with it. c. If you don't, the child will quickly figure out that you are a liar and that you don't mean what you say and that they will not actually get the punishment that you are threatening. v. Don't let your kids get away with something just because you are tired, or because you have had such a good day with them that you don't want to ruin it with a spanking. D. Other considerations. i. If your child is sick, take that into consideration if they are acting up, but don't give them too much leeway. ii. If you have a child that is mentally or physically handicapped, don't let their affliction stop you from disciplining them. a. If they can understand your instruction and they intentionally disobey it, they should be disciplined, regardless if they are mentally retarded or developmentally challenged. b. You cannot expect the same level of performance out of them, just as you would not punish a three-year-old for the same thing that you would punish a 12-year-old for, but disobedience and bad behavior of afflicted children should still be punished appropriately. c. Autistic children are difficult to raise, and some parents say that they cannot be disciplined like other children. (i) If the child understands when he does something wrong and he can associate pain with doing wrong, then he can and should be punished for disobedience. (ii) Even animals, who are not rational creatures, can have their behavior corrected by being punished for undesirable actions. (iii) Training is not an exact equivalent to teaching. One can train where academic teaching is inefficient. (iv) One can train a sapling, dog, or child by manipulation, rewards, and punishment to achieve a desired product. (v) A parent of a developmentally challenged child (or any child, for that matter) should ask themselves just who is doing the manipulating in the home: parent or child? (vi) Comforting the feeble-minded should not be construed as excusing the feeble-minded’s bad behavior. d. Allowing a mentally or physically handicapped child to get away with bad behavior is not loving him, but hating him because he will be a terror to himself and others for the rest of his life. e. Helen Keller’s parents let her become Hellish Keller until a tutor put a stop to the unacceptable behavior. f. If you have a disabled child, don't make the same mistake that Keller's parents did. iii. If children are tired (especially if you are the one that had them out late), factor that into why they may be misbehaving. iv. God remembers that we are but flesh and is compassionate toward our weakness (Psa 78:38-39), and so ought parents to be toward their children. 5. Where should children be disciplined? A. Children should primarily be disciplined consistently AT HOME. B. If they are, then you won't have to worry about being seen in public spanking your child. C. Don't let the only beatings you give your kids be in public because you are embarrassed at how they are acting and don't want to appear as a parent who doesn't discipline their children. D. Don't let dinnertime be mayhem at home and expect to not be embarrassed by your unruly children at a restaurant. E. Don't let your kids run around screaming all day at home and then expect them to be quiet and still in church for an hour and a half. F. If you need to, "play church" at home during the week where you make them sit quietly and listen to or watch a sermon for an hour.