Husbands, Love Your Wives

The outline is attached below.

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Husbands, Love Your Wives I. "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" (Eph 5:25) II. Husbands are commanded to love their wives (Col 3:19). 1. Love is in the imperative voice in Eph 5:25 and Col 3:19. A. Love v. - 1. a. trans. With personal obj. or one capable of personification: To bear love to; to entertain a great affection or regard for; to hold dear. B. Love n. – 1. a. That disposition or state of feeling with regard to a person which (arising from recognition of attractive qualities, from instincts of natural relationship, or from sympathy) manifests itself in solicitude for the welfare of the object, and usually also in delight in his or her presence and desire for his or her approval; warm affection, attachment. C. Therefore, husbands should entertain a great affection and regard for their wives, hold them dear, and have concern for their welfare. D. This is not a suggestion, but a commandment. 2. It is apparent that husbands have to struggle at times with loving their wives, else God would not have told them to do so twice in the scriptures. 3. If a man tells me he never has difficulty loving his wife, I will tell him that he not only has difficulty loving her, but he also has difficulty telling the truth. III. Husbands should love their wives "even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." 1. Even adv. – II. In weakened senses as an intensive or emphatic particle. (With 6–8 cf. similar uses of just.) 6. Exactly, precisely, ‘just’. Now chiefly arch. after Bible use, and suggesting some notion of 9. a. of manner; often followed by as, thus, so. 2. Per the definition of even, husbands should love their wives exactly as Christ loves the church which is His bride (Rev 21:9 c/w Heb 12:22-23). 3. How does Christ show His love for the church? A. Jesus' love for His church/bride is a self-sacrificial love: Jesus gave himself for her; and so ought a husband for his wife. B. Jesus sacrificed His life for His bride (Eph 5:2), and so ought a husband for his wife (Joh 15:13 c/w Son 5:16). C. Jesus nourishes His bride (Eph 5:29). i. Nourish v . - II. 5. b. To sustain (a person or living organism) with food or proper nutriment. c. To supply (a thing) with whatever is necessary to promote its growth or formation, or to maintain it in proper condition. 6. To provide with food or sustenance; to maintain, support. ii. In other words, Jesus provides for the needs of His bride (Php 4:19), and so ought a husband for his wife. D. Jesus cherishes His bride (Eph 5:29). i. Cherish v. - 1. trans. To hold dear, treat with tenderness and affection; to make much of. ii. Jesus treats His bride with tenderness and affection and makes much of her, and so ought a husband toward his wife. E. Jesus always does what was best for His bride, and so ought a husband for his wife. F. Jesus put His own self-interest behind the needs of His bride (Luk 22:42; Rom 15:2-3), and so ought a husband for his wife. G. Jesus physically protected His bride (Joh 18:8-9), and so ought a husband protect his wife. H. Jesus would never let His bride be harmed (Joh 10:28; Jud 1:1), and so ought a husband never let his wife be harmed as much as is possible. I. Jesus leads His bride (Joh 10:3; Rev 7:17), and so ought a husband lead his wife (1Co 9:5). J. Jesus taught His bride (Mar 9:31), and so ought a husband teach his wife. K. Jesus gave His bride rules to live by for her good (Joh 14:15; Deut 10:13), and so ought a husband do so for his wife (Eph 5:24). 4. Husbands therefore should love their wives self-sacrificially. A. This is difficult because men (males) are by nature selfish. i. All people in general seek their own (Php 2:21), but, generally, men take it to another level above women. ii. Any man who says he is not selfish in his marriage or otherwise is either, 1) ignorant and clueless about his own nature, and therefore doesn't know himself, or 2) lying. B. Husbands should always make decisions with their wives' best interest at heart, not their own. i. It is a husband's duty to be the head of his wife (Eph 5:23), and to lead her (1Co 9:5). a. Head n. - III. Various figurative uses arising from preceding senses. 25. A person to whom others are subordinate; a chief, captain, commander, ruler, leader, principal person, head man. b. The husband is the commander and ruler of his wife and family, but he must exercise this duty in a self-sacrificial manner as does Christ (Eph 5:25). ii. A husband must always objectively consider whether his decisions and rules are for his wife's good, or for his good. a. Husbands, do not deceive yourselves into thinking that your decisions are made with your wife's best interest in mind if they are actually made out of your own self-interest. b. Do some real soul searching on this, and be honest with yourself. c. Ask your wife what she honestly thinks about your decisions and actions, if you dare! (i) Wives, if you're husband asks, tell him the truth! (ii) Lying to your husband by telling him what he wants to hear only hurts both you and him. iii. A wife may not always recognize that her husband's decisions and rules are for her good, but if they indeed are, the husband must hold fast to his decision because that's what a good leader does. C. Husbands should put the needs of their wives above their own self-interest in the following areas. i. Time a. Husbands, there are two extremes to be avoided when it comes to spending time with your wife. b. Giving her too little of your time. (i) Some husbands spend all or most of their free time pursuing their own work, interests, hobbies, and pleasures. (ii) They only spend time with their wives when it is beneficial to them, such as activities like eating and sex. (iii) Not giving your wife your time is selfishness, and is not therefore loving her as Christ loved the church. (iv) True love seeks not its own (1Co 13:5). c. Giving her too much of your time. (i) Some husbands are needy and dependent and want to spend all or most of their time (and their wives' time) with their wives. (ii) They never want to be alone, nor do they want their wives to have alone-time, or time with just her and her friends or family. (iii) Not giving your wife adequate time to spend by herself or with her friends or family is selfishness, and is not therefore loving her as Christ loved the church. (iv) True love seeks not its own (1Co 13:5). (v) Wives need space and time to themselves like everyone else. 1. I know a woman who married a man after both of their former spouses died. a. For the first year or so of their marriage, he didn't want her to leave his sight, and he called her constantly when they were apart for some reason. b. It drove the woman crazy until she finally told him to give her some space. 2. It can be difficult on wives when their husbands retire because they lose a lot of their alone time. a. I heard about a woman whose husband retired, and after a while of him sitting around the house getting in her hair, she told him that he needed to get out the house and do something or she was going to kill him. b. He built a wood shop and spent time outside the home doing something productive, and they both were happier. d. When my wife goes out all day with her friend, it makes me very happy to see her be able to have quality time with a friend. e. I encourage her to go out to a coffee shop by herself to think and ponder about life like she likes to do. ii. Money a. Being the head of the wife (Eph 5:23), the husband should have control of the finances. (i) If he is not good with money, he can choose to delegate the duty of managing household finances to his wife, but it is still his responsibility. (ii) It is the husband's responsibility to provide for the needs of his family (Eph 5:29; 1Ti 5:8). (iii) It is the wife's responsibility to be a keeper at home (Tit 2:5), not to provide for the family. (iv) A husband should not view the money he earns as his money, but rather their money. (v) Even if a wife has a job or her own home business and earns income, it should be their money, not her money. (vi) Regardless if she earns money, it is the family's money, and it's her husband's responsibility to "give her of the fruit of her hands" (Pro 31:31) as he sees fit. b. Money should always be spent with the best interest of the entire family (including his wife) in mind, not his own self-interest. c. A husband should steer between the extremes of allowing his wife to spend as much money as she wants on herself, and not allowing her to spend any money on herself. (i) Allowing her to spend too much money on unnecessary things is foolish (Pro 21:20). (ii) Not allowing her to spend any money (or very little) on herself is selfish, and is not therefore loving her as Christ loved the church. 1. It is selfish for a husband to think that he should be able to spend more money on himself than his wife gets to spend on herself just because he earns the money. 2. Doing so is selfish and is therefore not loving his wife as Christ loved the church. (iii) It is wise for a husband to budget a specified amount of money for both he and his wife individually every month which they each have complete control over and can spend it however they want. (iv) I recommend having separate "his" and "her" bank accounts for this purpose (but not for the rest of the finances) or distributing cash to each partner at the beginning of the month which is kept separate from the general family budget. d. A husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church will also make sure that she will have enough savings and/or income to live for the rest of her life after he dies, whenever that may be. e. Considering that she could outlive him by 10-20 years, he better have a lot of savings for her to live on in the event he precedes her in death by many years. iii. Ambitions a. The ambitions of a selfless husband have to take a backseat to the needs of his wife. b. Being married means foregoing things that would take too much of your time and energy away from your wife. iv. Career a. Though a man's career is import for supplying the needs of his family, he must make sure that it doesn't take him away from his wife and family too much. b. It would be better to make less money and learn to live on less in order to have more time for your wife and family if necessary. v. Family, friendships, relationships a. When a man marries, he leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife (Gen 2:24). b. His wife should then take precedence over his family. c. The same is true for his friends and other people in his life. d. Being married doesn't mean forsaking friends or family, but it means prioritizing one's wife over them. vi. Recreation a. A self-sacrificing husband will prioritize his wife over his recreation. b. This is not to say that he cannot partake of recreational activities, but they must not encroach on his quality time with wife. c. If your wife enjoys your favorite recreational activities, then they can be an opportunity to spend time together. d. If she doesn't enjoy them, a good husband will cease doing them, or at least severely reduce the time he spends doing them. e. Ask your wife if she honestly likes doing your favorite recreational activities with you. f. Wives, be honest, because lying to your husband in order to tell him what he wants to hear will only hurt both you and him. D. A husband must take care of his wife when she is sick. i. Wives are normally the caretaker of the family. ii. Most women have a caretaking instinct which men don't normally have, especially in the same degree. iii. But when the wife gets sick, it's her husband's duty to care for her. iv. To expect his wife to care for him when he is sick, but to not care for her when she is sick is selfishness and is therefore not loving her as Christ loved the church. a. All Christians are responsible to care for each other when they are sick (Mat 25:36). b. How much more so a man who is not only a brother in the church to his wife, but also is her husband! v. Husbands, when taking care of your sick wife, remember to suffer long and be kind (1Co 13:4), bear and endure it patiently (1Co 13:7), be not bitter against her (Col 3:19), and be tenderhearted (Eph 4:32). a. Loving each other in sickness and in health is part of many couple's marriage vows. b. Make sure you take that vow seriously (Ecc 5:4-6).