Child Discipline, Training, and Education (Part 1)

Child Discipline, Training, and Education I. The importance of this study. 1. The family is the backbone of society. 2. Your children are the future. 3. You (parents) are responsible for the training and education of your children, whether you do it yourself or you delegate it to others. 4. You have a responsibility to God, your children, and society to discipline your children to ensure they grow up into God-fearing, honest, hard-working, responsible, and mature people. II. Child discipline - children's behavior must be controlled before training and education can be effectively imparted. 1. Why must children be disciplined? A. Foolishness is bound in their hearts and it must be driven out (Pro 22:15). i. Notice that foolishness is bound not found in their hearts. ii. Bound - 1. a. Made fast by a tie, confined; fastened down; bandaged: also fig. iii. Foolishness - n.1. The quality or condition of being foolish. iv. Foolish - adj. 1. Fool-like, wanting in sense or judgement. v. Fool - n. A. n. I. 1. a. One deficient in judgement or sense, one who acts or behaves stupidly, a silly person, a simpleton. (In Biblical use applied to vicious or impious persons.) The word has in mod. Eng. a much stronger sense than it had at an earlier period; it has now an implication of insulting contempt which does not in the same degree belong to any of its synonyms, or to the derivative foolish. vi. Foolishness must be driven out; it will not leave naturally. a. Drive - 1. a. trans. To force (men or animals) to move on before one, or flee away from one, by blows or intimidation; to urge on or impel with violence. b. A child left to himself brings his mother shame (Pro 29:15). vii. The goal is to train them up in the way they should go with the hope that when they grow up they will not depart from it (Pro 22:6). B. This foolishness in the hearts of children comes as a result of their sinful nature (Eph 2:3). i. This sinful spiritual nature which is dead in trespasses and sins was passed to them from Adam (Rom 5:12). ii. It is present at: a. youth (Gen 8:21). b. birth (Psa 58:3). c. conception (Psa 51:5). C. Not only is it good for the child, it's good for the parents. i. Children should not be your oppressors (Isa 3:12). ii. If they are it harms them and you. iii. If you correct your children, they will give you rest (Pro 29:17). iv. If you correct your children they will bring you much happiness. a. " A wise son maketh a glad father..." (Pro 10:1; Pro 15:20) b. " My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine." (Pro 23:15). v. If you don't correct your children, they will bring you much pain and sorrow. a. "...a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother." (Pro 10:1) b. "...a foolish man despiseth his mother." (Pro 15:20) c. "A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him." (Pro 17:25) d. "A foolish son is the calamity of his father..." (Pro 19:13) e. "He that wasteth his father, and chaseth away his mother, is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach." (Pro 19:26) f. "Whoso keepeth the law is a wise son: but he that is a companion of riotous men shameth his father." (Pro 28:7) 2. What types of behavior merit discipline? A. Rebellion must be met with the rod. i. Rebellion - 2. Open or determined defiance of, or resistance to, any authority or controlling power. ii. Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and must be punished sternly (1Sa 15:23). B. Disobedience to parents, grandparents, teachers, etc. i. Children must obey their parents (Eph 6:1; Col 3:20). ii. Disobedience must be punished. iii. You don't need to say something more than once. iv. If disobedience is not met with the rod at the first offence, it definitely should be at the second. v. You should never have to repeat yourself more than once (and even that is too much). vi. Don't fall into the "counting" folly when a child doesn't obey your order: "Johnny, come here.....one....two....three". vii. All that does is teach him that he can disobey you for at least 2.5 seconds before you react (or start counting over again like too many pitiful parents). C. Backtalk or disrespect. D. Lying. E. Laziness (Pro 10:5 c/w Pro 29:15). F. Hanging out with friends who are fools (Pro 28:7; Pro 13:20). G. Sin in general. 3. When should children begin to be disciplined (at what age)? A. The rod should be applied, when needed, early in life (Pro 13:24). i. Betimes - 1. At an early time, period, or season; early in the year; early in life. ii. Chasten - 1. trans. To inflict disciplinary or corrective punishment on; to visit with affliction for the purpose of moral improvement; to correct, discipline, chastise. iii. A parent loves his child who chastens him early in life. iv. A parent hates his child who will not chasten him. v. God sets for us the pattern of chastening children (Heb 12:5-8). vi. Good fathers will follow God's lead (Heb 12:9-11). B. You only have a short period of time while there is hope (Pro 19:18). C. Once a person gets to be a full grown fool, it's too late (Pro 27:22). i. Bray - v. 1. trans. To beat small; to bruise, pound, crush to powder; usually in a mortar. ii. One hundred stripes to such a fellow won't do what a few good ones would to a young child (Pro 17:10). D. So at what age is early in life? i. As soon as a child starts trying to exert his will over his parents' will is when chastening must begin. ii. This can be as young as six months old. iii. This can happen long before the child is old enough to speak his opposition to your rules. E. When should a child be chastened in relationship to the time of the offence? i. Parents should correct their children as quickly as possible after the need for correction arises. ii. In other words, when a child has done something improper, the correction should be given quickly. iii. This helps the child to associate the improper behavior with the pain of the correction, resulting eventually in the corrected behavior. iv. Putting off disciplining the child until you are at your wits' end could result in your losing your temper and hurting the child. v. If you are in a public place where it would not be wise to discipline your child, then tell them that they will get it when you get home and make sure you follow through with it no matter how good the rest of the day goes. 4. How should children be disciplined? A. The primary method of correction should be beating with a rod (Pro 13:24; Pro 22:15; Pro 23:13-14; Pro 29:15). i. Don't be scared of the word beat; it means little different than spanking. a. Beat - v. 1. a. trans. To strike with repeated blows. b. Strike - v. V. To deal a blow, to smite with the hand (occas. another limb), a weapon or tool. 25. trans. To deal (a person, an animal) a blow; to hit with some force either with the hand or with a weapon. c. Spank - v. 1. a. trans. To slap or smack (a person, esp. a child) with the open hand. d. Slap - v. 1. a. trans. To strike or smack (a person or thing) smartly, esp. with the open hand or with something having a flat surface; to hit (one) on, upon, or over (a certain part) in this way. e. Smack - v. 5. a. To strike (a person, part of the body, etc.) with the open hand or with something having a flat surface; to slap. Also spec. to chastise (a child) in this manner and fig. ii. A rod should be the primary instrument of punishment (Pro 22:15, Pro 23:13-14 et al). a. Rod - 1. a. A straight, slender shoot or wand, growing upon or cut from a tree, bush, etc. b. Wand - 1. a. A straight slender stick. Now Sc. and dial. In Scottish use, chiefly a slender pliant stick cut from a stem or branch of a shrub or young tree. iii. When a child gets a beating, it should consist of more than one strike with the rod (see definition). a. A beating should cause tears (Pro 19:18). b. Crying - 1. The action of the verb cry in its various senses; shouting, lamentation, weeping, etc. c. Correction should be grievous (Pro 15:10; Heb 12:11). d. Determine beforehand how many whacks the infraction merits and don't stop until you have given that many, regardless of yelling or crying from the child (Pro 19:18). e. The rod may leave bruises which are a sign that the foolishness has been driven out (Pro 20:30). f. Though it should be painful, a beating should not be excessive or cause long lasting pain to the child. iv. A beating with a rod will not kill the child (Pro 23:13), a. Rather, it will save him from more severe punishment later in life (Pro 23:14). b. This is beating the hell out of children. v. Once the punishment has been given, then you should affirm your love to them. a. This should be done so that they understand that you punished them because you love them. b. This will also show them a picture of God's punishment of sin and subsequent forgiveness and forgetfulness of it. B. Other methods of disciplining children. i. Some punishments are more effective than others with different children. ii. With older kids, taking things or privileges away from them might work. iii. Tailoring punishments with crimes such as washing out a mouth with soap for lying or flicking the mouth for talking back are options. iv. The primary method though should be the rod as the Bible prescribes. v. If you start when they are babies and are consistent, you shouldn't have to worry about coming up with creative ideas for punishment when they are teenagers because they should be well-behaved and well-mannered kids by that point. C. The importance of consistency. i. You must be consistent when it comes to punishments for offenses. ii. Do not punish a child today for something you allowed yesterday or pass over an offense today for which you punished him yesterday. iii. Mean what you say and keep your word. a. Don't say, "If you do that again, you're not going to Grandma's tomorrow" if you don't mean it. b. If make a threat, you must follow through with it. c. If you don't, the child will quickly figure out that you are a liar and that you don't mean what you say and that they will not actually get the punishment that you are threatening. iv. Don't let your kids get away with something just because you are tired, or because you have had such a good day with them that you don't want to ruin it with a spanking. D. Other considerations. i. If your child is sick, take that into consideration if they are acting up, but don't give them too much leeway. ii. If they are tired (especially if you are the one that had them out late), factor that into why they may be misbehaving. iii. God remembers that we are but flesh and is compassionate toward our weakness (Psa 78:38-39), and so ought parents to be toward their children. 5. Where should children be disciplined? A. Children should primarily be disciplined consistently AT HOME. B. If they are, then you will not have to worry about being seen in public spanking your child. C. Don't let the only beatings you give your kids be in public because you are embarrassed at how they are acting and don't want to appear as a parent who doesn't discipline their children. D. Don't let your kids run around screaming all day at home and then expect them to be quiet and still in church for an hour and a half. If you need to, "play church" at home during the week where you make them sit quietly and listen to or watch a sermon for an hour.